Sleeping

They say that when I sleep my mind can heal. I sleep a lot now. I used to sleep only a few hours, now sometimes I cannot wake up when I choose. But the sleep is different, it feels more complete. Then I wake up, and I drift slowly in to awakening.

How is it that at those times upon waking I feel more calm and connected with my soul? It's as if there is a great coming together. My self, my memories, my choices, and all that I believed I was. Upon waking I no longer feel a sense of healing but instead feel the greatness of an emotional self. A self long rejected because of fear, because of necessity. The pain we work with every day is overwhelming and continues to swallow up my mind, my self.

Then, as if a great hand is moving pieces on a chess board, I am able to recall things with greater clarity. Not just recall, feel. Feel everything. The greatness of God, of life, of my very existence.

How many of us really get a second chance to do things right. I regret. So many mistakes. But the greatness is there and in healing I can let go. God holds it all. I am overcome by the beauty of His will.

How great Thou art.

My God.

My Savior.

My second chance.

Then I am awake and yet asleep. Aware and yet watching, waiting, I am healing. It is slow. But the work that God is performing will take time. If I allow it...I must.

"Oh Lord, My God. When I in awesome wonder consider all the worlds Thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder. Thy power throughout the universe displayed."