Baby Brain

After surgery my wonderful surgeon explained that my lost sense of taste, struggles with vision and hearing were the result of having him "playing around in my brain."

As I have gone on this journey, I find it easiest to picture my brain like that of a newborn, a few weeks old. Having three young boys just in that toddler/elementary school age this is a comparison that helps me be more patient with myself and explain to my children why mommy is not quite the same anymore.

I call this my "Baby Brain".

Seriously my poor brain best compares to that of an infant progressing into toddlerhood. After surgery I had trouble with basic functions; breathing regularly, eating and digestion, voice control and word choice. My mealtime habits resembled an infant with a liquid or soft liquid diet; anything clear, colorless, and mushy. 

Combining words was a challenge. I had control of my vocabulary, but not always of how words connected and my ability to maintain conversation was short lived. By six to seven weeks post surgery, I and my little baby brain have come a long way. I now compare more to a four year old than a newborn with many of the same attendant issues; emotional regulation sucks, decision making and impulsivity are a problem, and maintaining connections/relationships between items is a challenge.

If given pictures of animals, for example, I could name the animal and potentially even tell you what they do, but I may not be able to tell you what sound they make.

I achieved stacking blocks at my last OT appointment and we got to 11 blocks. (This is really good.) I challenged myself further by insisting in taking them off one at a time without knocking them down. I had some close calls but made it. *Please don't tell my husband as prior to this I was the reigning Jenga champion. He might want a rematch.

I can name colors and differentiate between shades, as an artist this was a difficult challenge to face.

I still cannot balance for more than three seconds on either foot.

It's about baby steps with my baby brain. If you have a loved one coping post craniotomy or even living with an active tumor, cut them some slack. You would be surprised how hard what you do everyday really is.

You are amazing and I love you. God loves you and you are ever in his care.