Some of what I'm going through may be both confusing and vague. If you have no point of reference it can actually be incomprehensible to imagine what living with a brain injury is like. Many comparisons and similarities can be found to describe various aspects of the process. Computers are one of the few things that compare to the process.
In many ways my poor little brain operates much like an overloaded computer. It's like I have all these hidden programs trying to run along with my basic programing. When I say basic, I mean basic. Simple decisions such as determining time to eat; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Determining what tools are needed to help change my sons diaper; diaper, wipes, butt cream. Reading clocks and determining time of day, digital is a must. One of these activities at a time can be too much and requires that I close my eyes and remove myself from noises or other distractions before being able to move on.
For my technical friends its like trying to download new programming when your hard drive is fried. (Yeah, that's not going to happen.) It's like my cooling fan has stopped working and we had to replace the hard drive. Now I am trying to reload data from external hard drives but the system will overheat with frustrating frequency.
To rest and remove my mind from the overwhelming data I have to "reset" my brain. This is easily done but takes awareness and time. Awareness of the point before I overheat, once I get there it's shot. And time to stop all processes; 3-5 minutes usually can do it. I must remove all visual and sound stimuli; close my eyes and find someplace quiet, this may mean plugging my ear(s). I cannot be required to supervise anything or make simple decisions during this time.
I sit, standing doesn't work. Close my eyes, and quiet my mind. In that space I begin what my speech therapist called Balloon Breathing. I imagine that my lungs and torso are a giant deflated balloon, I like to make mine red. I inhale through my nose as if trying to blow up the balloon as far as it will go. I hold at that point, then slowly, through my mouth, release the air in a controlled stream. I hold again. My breathing this way will continue until I feel the stress bleed away from my mind and I feel as if waking after a long and restful sleep.
Reset complete.
You are amazing and I love you. God loves you and you are ever in his care.
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