Still Fighting

Do you ever get the feeling, during this whole recovery process that you are whistling at the wind? So often I find myself living the Red Queen Rule of Life. In Alice in Wonderland, Alice and the Queen find themselves running as fast as they can, but getting nowhere. The Queen explains that they run just as fast as they can, simply to keep up and not fall behind.  That is how this whole tax reform (legal piracy) feels to someone with a medical challenge. We are already running as fast as we can just to engage in life, and now someone outside of our lives has decided to move the goalposts, for no better reason than to justify tax breaks to people and corporations that do not need it. If a company wants to be competitive then they need to design better products. I can choose to buy or not with my money.

Choosing to give them free tax money without a demand for reciprocal protections for employees is shortsighted and foolish in the extreme. Essentially Congress has decided that they get a payout, not for work or products done, but just because. This is the ultimate in a free handout. This legal piracy will cost the federal government and thereby the American People trillions of dollars, with no return. It is the height of hypocrisy to bemoan "entitlements" as Paul Ryan has done, while handing a blank check to corporations that do very well financially and have more tax deduction options available than the general consumer. Corporations also use more of the infrastructure than the general citizen. It is American dams, airports, roads, streetlights, and sewer systems that they use to conduct business. Their taxable income occurs after operating expenses are deducted, so they often pay a lower rate than the average individual. Corporations simply possess more buying power of congress, they write the cost off on their taxes.

Dear Senator,
I am writing you today to express my deep reservations and concerns regarding the current tax bill before Congress and it's potential negative impact on families with medically fragile children as well as cancer patients. There is nothing in this bill that will improve lives for many facing medical challenges. There is much that is potentially devastating. Loss of medical tax deductions, impact to social support services, as well as impact on Medicaid coverage have the potential to begin a slide into extreme poverty for many. These are parents and families who are already fighting with everything that they have. It is completely wrong to cut out their deductions to pay for hedge fund managers and private planes. I ask you to consider the children and families of those in your area that fight for life. The University of Utah, through the Huntsman Cancer center serves more than just Utah. It serves some of the best medical care in the western region. It's patients include doctors, nurses, lawyers, mothers, fathers, and children. I beg of you to think about them and do not do anything to hurt them further. This tax bill will be devastating. Don't hurt them more.

Getting Through Bad days

Please understand that the following post is not medical advice. It is not intended to treat or diagnose any issues. This is simply my experience and may offer ideas to discuss with care providers. I am not an expert , nor to I promote myself as such. I am simply a patient doing the best I can to get through a challenge that I never expected to have. 


I sill have some really bad days. Mine are often due to TBI and the depression that can folow significant brain injury. It doesn't work the same as it did before. Things impact me differently now and they are often erratic in their expression, very little in the way of specific triggers can cause them. some days are simply harder than others. Here is how I try to get through those "bad days".

1. Hydrate; dehydration makes existing brain issues worse. This is always my first step as any dehydration is unable to be tolerated by my brain and it starts to not work correctly. 

2. Get outside. Even if it is just my front porch, breathing fresh air helps. I am lucky to live next to some wilderness areas so walking is doable too. 

3. Good food. When is the last time I ate something good for me? I keep fruit and veggies readily available, sugar is good for a moment but the later crash only makes things worse. It can be fun in the moment, but payback is awful.

4. Exercise. If I haven't done it already, a 15 minute walk works wonders. 

5. Pet therapy. I lost my fur baby of 15 years in October and it has been hard ever since. For right now pictures of her and sitting in my garden where she used to sit with me can help ease things. 

6. Reach out. If I am still funky, or at any point in this whole thing I phone a friend. I may also write in my gratitude journal or write about something I am dealing with on my blog. 

I can't skip the hard stuff, it's real and it happened. Giving it space without judgement while also addressing the physical aspects can help me to get through it. I can tell you that knowing it will end helps me to get though to the point where it's a good day. I try to always remember that there are physical aspects to this. People that say things like- "pull yourself out of it" don't understand all the layers that exist. I try to give my brain and body every reason to have a good day. 

This is a good and beautiful life. it is worth living every minute to the fullest, but that doesn't mean I pretend that things don't hurt sometimes. Pain is part of my journey to teach me humility, but it is not worth choosing to live there. I encourage you, if you are struggling, to seek out the resources you need to find the space to continue healing for you. Brain injury plays a role in my life, but this is still my life and I choose what to allow to expand and grow. I choose to live and to continue learning. God is good and blesses me in so many ways.