We find that it is hard to let our guard down. We are "on display" and can therefor not give away any weakness. What does this mean? This means that if you ask us how we are you will get a "false positive". "I'm great! How are you?" (Really I'm not great. I hurt. My ears ring all the time. And I'm pretty sure that I only slept in snatches of exhaustion last night.)
These responses are fine if it is just a casual acquaintance; how we feel is really nobodies business but our own. These responses can be devastating, however, if the person is a close support or even a medical provider. We give a false impression of things being differently than they are. In our drive to avoid vulnerability we are unable to find true solace from the sources we rely on for support and care.
In terms of support we may inadvertently give the impression that since it is a "good day" that anyone who feels differently is not safe in expressing fears or concerns. Just as devastating are those who feel that since it is a "good day" we can be asked to do more or that now is the time to criticize the efforts we are making.
I hazard that for the recovering, nothing is worse than being asked to do more when already stretched to the limit. Without clear and consistent boundaries we can become easily overwhelmed and risk losing progress in our drive to mask what is really going on. We don't always feel when we have overdone it until it is too late. As my speech pathologists suggests, by the time you hit the limit of what you are capable of, it is already too late.
Masking creates unreasonable expectations in others for what our abilities and capabilities are. It keeps us from necessary support and guidance, and it limits our ability to be authentic with our healing process.
There is no time in healing to pretend that everything is fine.
God bless and keep you.
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