Holiday Suggestions; Don't be Clark

As you are recovering and healing I have found any number of things that help. I can implement a few. with the holidays coming it has become necessary, at times, to set some clear expectations and guidelines. It helps keep me from becoming overwhelmed and enjoying the holiday.


First, if you are familiar with the movie Christmas vacation with Chevy Chase, don't be Clark. Don't imagine and create such high expectations of yourself and others that you are destined to be disappointed. Instead be clear about what really matters, narrow it down, and focus on the people not the activities or gifts. Below is a letter I sent to my planned guests this year, I hope this helps as you head into holiday season.

"I want to be clear and open about my anxiety over our upcoming visit.  I also hope to create a space of clear expectations so that this visit is positive and family based.  I do everything I can in a day.  It is enough to keep things running but any more sets me back.  Here are some thoughts that may help. 1. My impulse is still to overwork; sticking to my schedule makes sure I use my rest times.  I cannot function without rest times.  I have them set up to use as I require. I  know when and how to address stressors as they occur in a way that works for me.  2. Rest times are periods where I mentally withdraw to regroup. If I perceive a threat or pressure, that time takes significantly longer than normal. 3.  I plan everything in advance; my week, my day, my meals.  I still cannot handle changes to my scheduled plans.  If there is a necessary change I need additional time to process and regroup. 4.  I am as active as I can be and the boys are adapting well. Pushing because it is the holidays will result in a shut down.  I am getting things ready now to help reduce the occurrence of such an event. 5.  I can't handle criticisms or suggestions.  If something is safety related or a true emergency lets handle it.  If not, it really doesn't matter enough.  The stress will cause more harm than the benefit of any changes. 6. I have found that both the kids and I require down time each day.  Unstructured rest time that we use to recharge.  It is not good for me and I have found it is not good for the kids to be busy or entertained all the time.  I think if we keep things in mind we can make this a great visit. Thank you!"

 

The response from my family was wonderful and helped to address my anxiety and fears. If your family and friends cannot support your limits, it is ok to make plans to see them at another time, outside of the holidays. If you both work to be clear, open, and flexible, the memories you make will hold you through the coming year.

 

God Bless and keep you. You are His, always.