Being Immature

Some days you just need to let go. Be silly. Do something new. Something that you can't compare to "before". Something outside of yourself and your comfort zone. In doing so you can experience new freedom and find bits of yourself floating around in the ether. "Oh, there I am."

I exist separate and apart from what happens to me. This body, this brain, are damaged. They don't work right. I make simple and silly mistakes that I am learning to laugh at.

• Forgot to add soap to the dishwasher. Oh, well. The cups were upside down anyway.
• Things left in random places become a game of hide and seek.
• Stuttering and forgotten words can become a game of charades.

It works. Breathe, relax, and set time to do something fun. Something that nurtures your soul and has no pressure, no expectation. Give yourself permission to be immature, your brain is. So, let it be what it is. Be you. And enjoy the freedom of learning who you are now with no comparison. Just accept.


My Rules of Immaturity:

1. Don't be in charge. Assign a loved one or friend to make sure everyone is together. They can take over the thinking and you can experience. It's like having a designated driver, only you will have a designated adult.
2. Have a plan. A destination and a goal. Make sure everyone is on the same page. You will become distressed if things change or someone changes things. If that happens allow space to realign your thoughts and breathe through it.
3. Keep the time short. Don't expect too much of yourself. New events are more fatiguing than familiar events and places.
4. Touchstones. Have familiar things to keep you grounded. Comfortable clothes, soft materials. I have a wrap that goes everywhere. It like a comfort blanket. It helps me feel safe and the material is soft and helps me to connect if I become distressed.
5. If it's not fun, stop. If your activity is stressful or upsetting don't continue doing it. Have a plan to reconnect if things become too much. Make sure your advocate, the designated adult, understands your signs of distress and that they are prepared to leave at any time.

Have fun learning who you are now. In some ways, I like myself so much more now. Accept and be open to what you can discover and you may just discover some past parts of yourself in the process. God bless, you've got this.