Goals and Plans

The holidays come to us with joy and frenzy. Dealing with brain trauma/injury on top of that can easily send us over the top. We become fatigued and stressed by events that in the past we simply took for granted. Planning and priorities take the place of frenzied activity. This is not a bad thing. Paraphrasing advice on goal setting from Dennis Bonner, Ph.D. I have come up with the following guidelines.

 

1. Determine your long range goal. For me this year it is simply to spend quality time reinforcing traditions and connecting emotionally with my loved ones. That is a broad goal that can be overwhelming if I tried to do it all now. So, break it up into small do-able pieces. Each week try to have one emotionally honest moment with a loved one. Determine which holiday activities are important to continue this year, let go of the rest. Santa, for us that is a must. Looking at lights, another must. Caroling, not necessary. Sit down with your family and determine family goals and determine an order of importance, you may find that little is actually irreplaceable.
2. Set goals that stretch but do not overwhelm. You know your limits best, be honest about them. I am going to the opening day of Star Wars. This will stretch my abilities but I have support systems in place and plans such as headphones and polarized glasses if it becomes overwhelming. The actual event of sitting with my family to experience that together, it's worth planning for.
3. Set a simple schedule based on your priority list. Be honest with yourself. I can handle one simple hour long event per day; this means that I have an exit strategy if I get overwhelmed and as explained above, ways to help me regulate when overwhelmed. Be flexible. My speech pathologist reminds me to set my schedules in Jello- be open to change and ask your loved ones to support you in this.
4. Have reward and rest periods. You made it through your kids school concert with lots of people, sounds, and light- you have all earned an ice cream date. Enjoy.
5. Revise- it is ok to evaluate and revise your plans based on your real capabilities. What is not done now will happen again in the future, the thing to remember is "yet". You are simply not ready for that, yet.
6. Write it down. I keep a monthly and daily schedule. Both help me stay on track. You can no longer trust your memory, so take a notepad or method of recording appointments and activities with you. I even have my medication dosage times programmed with a reminder ring into my phone.
7. When writing goals be personal and proactive. Create the reality you wish to have. Begin with "I". Use emotional and action words to embrace the change and your reality in the change. Examples can be "I love walking every morning."  or "I feel amazing after my physical therapy stretches."
8. Put the goal where you can see it everyday. Right now I have motivation statements posted in my home. In addition to pictures of my loved ones reminding me what I am working for, I have the following statement posted where I see it multiple times per day: "Don't be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight--"

You can make it through the holidays after brain injury and surgery with amazing moments and experiences of love and caring. Take time, plan for it, and be easy on yourself. You can do this. It may not be yet, but it will be again. You've got this. God bless and keep you.