Recruitment

This word was used by my Speech therapist. We were discussing my speech challenges. In this discussion I learned how our body and mind are able to function despite challenges; recruitment.

This refers to the minds ability to engage surrounding muscles and structures for support when part of the body begins to fail. In my case it affected my shoulder function on my left side, my hearing loss, and my ability to speak.

In speech the surrounding muscles of my throat were engaged because my lungs and trachea were unable to perform the necessary muscle contractions in order to speak. After a time of trying my brain engaged the surrounding muscles, or recruited them to help. This was not a short-term solution and created a voice that was whispery and raspy by turns.

I would become extremely tired and would lose speech after a short time. I had trouble controlling volume and regulating tone. Most importantly the physical pain and strain on my neck added to the emotional pain of not being able to express myself or being heard.

I was given a variety of throat exercises designed to ensure that I relearned to use and engage my muscles correctly. Within a short time my voice felt and sounded more natural. The pain is decreasing and I am better able to express myself verbally. It is still challenging and I have to stop frequently to engage the correct muscles as I retrain my body.

We call this opening the cage. I have been given visualization tools such as imagining a cage around my voice box. I am to imagine it trapped and held. My ST then has me picture the cage opening and letting my voice free. This is powerful imagery and has so many emotional components. I know many, after brain surgery, struggle with speech and being heard. We struggle to say what we mean and find the words necessary to express ourselves.

We find any means necessary to recruit tools; helpers, muscles, technology, so that we may express ourselves. In many ways, on this journey it is easy to lose your voice. To feel trapped inside. Stuck with no way to be heard.

It is vital to remember when healing that this journey is emotional, physical, and mentally taxing. Not only have we struggled for years while the brain tumor grew, but after surgery we essentially start over with many things often taken for granted. I know amazing women who have relearned to walk, talk, and eat. Wherever you are on your journey, know that you have support. The support of everyone who has also fought this battle. The battle to heal and be heard. It crosses barriers of diagnosis, and age. You can do this! I can do this! We can do this!

We can learn to speak. We can learn to make our voice heard. As my ST says, we can learn to free our voice. May you learn to free your voice. God bless you on your journey.