Almost Normal

Some mornings I wake up and feel so much like myself that the surgery and tumor are all a big dream, then I move.

Oh... yeah...

That did happen.

It wasn't a dream. It's real. I sat and cuddled with my boys today and realized that they don't see me as different. When I hold them, when they are in my arms, I am just mom.


Constant. Unchanging. Their safe space. A refuge from the challenges and scrapes of childhood.

"Mom, I need a Band-Aid."

"Mom, can I have breakfast?"

"Mom, I wet my bed."

This I can do. In this I can be normal. "It's ok. Yes. We'll take care of it." No pressure to do more or be more than I currently am, and I can do this. I can get up in the morning every day and be there. I can do my stretches, complete my PT and OT exercises, and get a Band-Aid or change a bed with my son.

I can be almost normal. Almost me. Despite everything that has happened and my changed abilities, I am still in here. My words get trapped. It takes ages to do things that are simple, if I can even do them anymore. Despite all that, I still exist and at least to my children, its like nothing is different.