Whelmed

"If you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, do you think you could ever just be whelmed?"

"I think you can in Europe."

Awesome quote that has been going through my head today. There are days where I just feel blah. I say this not to feel sorry for myself but to acknowledge that I'm not always super positive. I have self care things I need to do to help prevent his, but sometimes it is just too much. Sometimes you get up, get through the day, and accept that this is as good as it gets today. Not forever mind you, but this is it today.

I have seen an audiologist and we have both good news and bad news; I may hear again just as before, or I may not.

During extensive testing it has become clear that my outer or external ear is working perfectly. My right ear has better than perfect hearing and is sensitive to many things such as tone and volume. The issue with my hearing is down to two options; either I have lost the fluid of my inner ear and it is impossible to heal this, or I have something pressing upon my nerve cutting off the signals trying to get through to my brain.

The next test involves electrical stimulation of the nerve to assess for pressure and damage. I get to be Uncle Fester and light up the world with my sparkling personality to find out if it is possible to hear on my left side again. I like that the answer is so blunt. Either I get to heal, or I don't. There it is.

Additionally we have also found that my voice issues are related to my brain overcompensating for not having the correct muscles firing when I speak. So, my body in its infinite brilliance, has recruited other neck muscles adding to my fatigue and creating a whispery, breathy non-voice to have any speech ability. I get to daily practice breathing and humming through a straw to help retrain the correct muscles. As I have done this I have regained some ability to laugh for more than one breath and I can sing more smoothly to my boys at night. No more cries of "No, Mom. Use your real voice."

I'm not totally overwhelmed yet, but there is a lot changing. My body continues to heal and I am constantly amazed by the blessing of our bodies. We possess incredible healing and coping power. God bless you.