Remaking the Holidays

This year has led to so many changes in our home. Going through weeks of radiation led to another shift in how we approach our days. With the holiday season approaching, it also became necessary to look at our traditions and consider changing things up.

We must be willing to change where we are now to get where it is we want to go. 

It is not enough to say, "This is what we have always done." That is a poor reason to do anything in life. Break down the day. What things serve you? What things fill your soul? What actually matters to you? And what no longer works? 

If something no longer works for us life, we realized it is ok to look at changes that more accurately reflect who we are now. This can mean changes in who we spend time with, how we spend your time, and even how we celebrate. I used to prepare an extensive meal, decorate elaborately, and even do most of the housekeeping. None of those things work for our family any more.

This year, we are changing most of our holiday meal. We are changing when we have family and friends visit. We are changing our gift giving to reflect where we are now. We are taking away things that pull away from what it is we want to accomplish, while leaving room for those things that matter most. 

We need to have reasonable expectations of ourselves and others. 

As we have shaped how we are approaching the holiday, we also needed to set some reasonable standards that reflect our priorities. It is unreasonable to assume that we are the same each day. It is ok to adapt our expectations to the situation. 

High stimulus environments wear me out much faster as I work through layers of light and sound. We have young children in our fmaily, some events are simply not a good fit for us right now. It is ok to adapt how we interact and what we interact with to reflect who we are. 

No apology. No explaination. No agenda necessary. 

When we are adaptable we can expereince the holidays as we are and instead of meeting the expectations of others, we are able to authentically engage with our world. We are able to do what matters most to us, and enjoy this time for celebration as we are today. 

Moving beyond what was, is encouraging us to try new things together. I couldn't be more excited. 

Baby Steps

One foot in front of the other.

Sometimes that is all it takes and all you can do. Keep things simple and move forward as you can. I have found that the journey of life is not won by big events, but by small daily choices. It is these seemingly small decisions and choices that shape our life and character. I am sometimes amazed at what can be accomplished by staying centered on your goals and making small efforts, on a regular basis. You can and will achieve more than someone making a big push or effort in the moment.

Each day I choose. I choose to get up, move, and do. I am and can be an influence in my family and neighborhood. I can't do everything but I can do something.

You can choose to move forward by making small daily choices.

Many set goals at the beginning of the year and push for a short time to meet them. Then, tired, they burn out. Making change is not about doing it all at once, that is too much physically and emotionally. We are tied to our habits and behaviors, they developed because on some level it worked for us. You cannot just decide to cut away part of yourself. There is a process of letting go. With my surgery I did not go through this process prior to having my tumor removed, but I did emotionally go through the grieving process later.

No one escapes the grieving process. Giving yourself time to recover and regroup can be a necessary part of change, as long as you hold to the truth that you are only regrouping and you will re-engage.
Retreat, Recover, Re-engage

Baby steps forward are doable.

I have begun by making big goals and decisions about what I want my life to be. I know some things will have to happen. I will have to relearn to drive. I will have to go through job retraining. I will have to relearn how to cook, work, and live with noise and stimulus.

I work to break these down. I have big goals and break them down into small mile-stones achievable each month. (Sometimes the timelines need to be adjusted based on progress or lack of progress.) I them break the month down into weeks and finally individual days. Activities with the same level of involvement/intensity are balanced out by smaller and simpler activities. Rest periods are used regularly, helping prevent over work and shutting down.

I keep a yearly calendar. On my desk is a monthly calendar where I track my monthly goals. On my wall is a daily calendar where I write my planned/hoped activities for each day. Included on this are my menu, rehabilitation appointments, and housekeeping needs. (Sound like a lot?)

At this point my individual planned activities are quite simple. For example; today I will work on visual tracking during my walk and physical therapy, I will practice using the iron to make a straight line, and I will work to follow a new 4 step recipe to make dinner. While engaging in these activities I will work to maintain quiet levels of soothing background sounds, increasing my tolerance for auditory stimulus. At any point where I feel increased anxiety, I will rest, reduce noise, and recover. I will then choose to get up and continue where I left off.

Through small steps I will meet my goals. I plan to live my life and engage fully in my family and community. Nothing is stopping me but me, and I can learn to work around that too.

Make goals! Move forward. Even if they are baby steps, keep going in the direction you want to be and you will get there. God bless and keep you.