In not wanting to think too much about things, I ignore it or pretend that things are the same. Then life makes it impossible to act like nothing is different.
Anytime I want to discuss my progress, or lack thereof, I get a reality check. I'm not dead. I am ahead of statistics by months. The cognitive behavioral work I have done for the past nine years helps me with relearning things. I taught these tools and techniques to kids, now I apply them personally. It's hard but fun. My providers say they can talk to me differently because I already have a basis for the techniques we learn. The menu and schedule I developed years ago running group homes, well, that's my life now. (For those that know, yup I am mentally and emotionally comparable to a group home kid.)
I am blessed to have a great support team. I was able to retain my personality. I can feed myself. I don't have to be on oxygen. I have bad days, but they are outnumbered by good days. I can emotionally connect to others. I kept my language and written expression. I can do many things, everything is a trade off and everything is much, mmmuuuccchhh slower, but I can do them. I can laugh, its soundless but I can do it.
Anything goes now, life is different. I need to remember that it is only 10 weeks from surgery, right now anything goes.
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