"What Do I Say?"

We all have them, those moments and times when we can't fathom what someone else is going through and we freeze. What do I do? What can I do? What do I say? The doubts creep in, the second guessing. Wondering if we are making it worse instead of better. We fear putting ourselves out there. We fear crossing lines and boundaries and we sit, paralyzed, unable to move one way or the next.

Coming from someone who has had many bad days and good days all I can tell you, let go of yourself, your own ego, and do something. If you don't know what to say, say that. If you just hurt for someone, its ok to acknowledge it. The worst thing you can do is put the responsibility for your sense of ego on the person going through the trial. This is not about your agenda or experience, it is about the other person and showing them that they are not alone. That is it. It is not about you!

I would make some simple cautions; do not give advice, do not make things about you, and accept that the other person may not want your help.


What should you do? What can you do?

• Show and express real empathy. (B. Brown has an amazing video online that demonstrates how to show empathy to others.)

 

 

• Offer tangible help. Be willing to get your hands dirty; fold laundry, play with kids, bring chocolate. What need is best able to be filled by you? When do you need to recruit others to help?

• Be honest and genuine in your communications. Differences in lifestyle, economy, politics, even family status, well, they don't matter when showing love and concern for others. Be honest in your statements and the love and concern will come through. Trials are not a time for second guessing and judgment. As I said earlier, don't give advice.
• Most importantly, show love and concern for the person. This isn't about you and your ego. Recognition, honor, excitement- a real friend is in for the long haul, they don't need the attention garnered by helping.

 

I have heard it said that "If you can't be kind, be quiet." While good advice, silence can often speak of emotional distance to someone experiencing a life trial. I would suggest a soft smile, a hug or handshake, expression of concern for them as a person, and let go of you. Let go and serve them as you can, in the ways you can. We can, in all ways, trust in the spirit that leadeth to do good.

 



 

 

God bless and keep you.