Second Chances

When, in the course of your life, you are given an opportunity to have a second chance, to rewrite your story, to rethink who and what you expect and believe yourself to be, it leaves a sense of being unwilling to settle for the status quo. Talking to a dear friend of mine, we discussed whether this is my life now. She also has health concerns and is frustrated that her primary care doctor is not taking her concerns seriously.

"I refuse to accept that this is my life now; that I will always hurt and this is just the way it is."

I love that. I love that she said that and that her focus is on making a better life. One where she doesn't settle for the easy answers.

 

I am facing many changes. With my limitations I cannot go back to my career. I cannot offer support and make decisions with enough proficiency to help others the way I did prior to surgery. It is even possible that just prior to surgery the extreme levels of pressure my brain was under from low CSF and the tumor were creating a significant amount of damage. (We are working to find answers now.)

I am unwilling to accept the easy answers. I am on disability, that is a reality I am facing right now. Facing my challenges head on has forced me to really look at where I am. This is not where I am content to stay.

I challenge myself regularly now. It is simple and maybe not what others may consider challenging, but it is mine. My journey. My path. It doesn't have to measure up to any other expectations. I fully own my journey and I am coming to appreciate all that I am learning.

Second chances offer opportunity to drastically change your life path.

I am embracing this change.

I am working to address this in many ways; both personally and in my relationships with others. I refuse to accept the polite and unspoken things that I, in an effort to avoid confrontation, generally avoid. I speak up. I say what is on my mind, and I have little tolerance for taking the easy route.

I am looking at needing a lot of job retraining and rehabilitation. I can accept this. I can look at it as a barrier or as a challenge to be overcome. I am currently working with a vocational rehabilitation councilor. I don't have many options, and all require more healing and some education.

I am refusing to let my relationships just be comfortable. I want no regrets, no unspoken conversations. I want to talk about the hard stuff and find resolution. I am confronting past hurts and healing traumas pushed aside by other concerns.

I am living fully in the moment and embracing all the time I have. I practice yoga, mindfulness, and make every effort to remain emotionally present in my own space. If I have pain, I accept it. Joy, I embrace it.

I am not perfect. I have many flaws that I am aware of and working to change. I am so grateful for this chance. For the opportunity to learn and grow in this way. My days are not easy. The pain is hard; both the emotional and physical pain. I would not wish this path on anyone, but after what I have gone through, I am grateful. I am blessed. With my challenges I am working to get to where I can say, fully and with every intent of my heart,

"I refuse to accept that this is my life now."

I will be better. I will do better. I will live the life I have been granted and leave the world better for my very life. God is good, may He bless and keep you.