More Than Pretty

I did it!

I stepped outside my comfort zone and finally published the page I have been working towards and thinking about. A page that shows both what I have done, what I hope to do, and who I hope to reach. I have been dancing around this idea for months and working to slowly build my comfort level. Collecting pictures and refining concepts until I can say that I am happy and pleased with the end result. I made my cosplay Facebook page.

BB9 Cosplay is born.

"I believe that every girl has the right to feel empowered. When we focus only on how cute, beautiful, or pretty they are we teach them to limit themselves. To only value what can be seen. Many girls struggle with accepting who they are. They struggle to accept their own power. I believe the power of girls is far reaching and they have more strength than they can believe. I have cosplays that incorporate my surgery scars. I walk with a cane. Every little girl should be encouraged to learn and embrace her own power; either as a hero or princess. We must teach our girls to be the hero of their own lives, and teach our sons to honor and value such girls."

Geek and Proud.

Growing up I had varied interests but never found anything that felt as real to me as cosplay. This combines many of the loves of my life and at the same time minimizes the deficits. More importantly I can express and share my love of things geek while enjoying the time spent with others who love the same things. We embrace the geek in each other and enjoy the sense of freedom that comes from sharing our common experiences. Star Wars, Star Trek, video games, comic book characters, classic and modern heroes and villains. We use play as a way to deal with the real. Fantasy is not to escape but to find more than what is. To accept both the reality and imagine a future of more than what we are now.

I love meeting and taking pictures with kids. My short term memory is not an issue when interactions last only a few minutes. No comprehension is required, no instructions, and rules are based largely on basic social expectations. I can adjust my costume based on the environment and stimulus and if I need to take a break, no pressure. I can use tools to limit environmental stress and am able to reach out to others in similar situations. I use my cane or walker as needed. I can easily limit visual stimulus and my deafness is not an issue in most cases.

My Mission.

"I use costumes and play to serve the children's community of Utah. I have loved costumes and creating costumes for years. Cosplay is a format that I can use to explore that medium and reach kids in all places. There are many expressions of power and strength for todays boys, girls are often left out and sidelined. In many cases media and culture creates an impression that physical appearance is the only measure of a woman's worth.

Raising young men who expect and appreciate women of strength can only help to strengthen our core society. Raising young women who understand and embrace their strength, can only serve to heal and strengthen homes and community. By lifting each other up, we only serve to make the next generation one of love and personal power.

Girls struggle with knowing their place and feeling their own power. Women are stronger than they know. It is about more than physical appearance. Womanhood is about grace, kindness, personal power, and intelligence. Girls today need role models they can look to who show them how to embrace their own strength. Whether this happens through princesses, heroines, or even anti-heroines, there is strength and power that girls can draw on to get though their own individual experiences.

I believe that as women we serve a necessary role in this world, not by covering or hiding our feminine nature, but by embracing all of its aspects. By treasuring what each person has to offer, we serve to strengthen our community and empower the next generation."

 

Girls are more than pretty. They are pretty powerful!

 

Feel free to visit and enjoy my cosplay page. BB9 Cosplay

Be Your Own Hero: HEROIC

After 10 years working to help children and families, I can barely function in my own life. I need help to get through even a simplified version of my day. I am blessed in that I have incredible support from loved ones. Neighbors, family and friends all put forth just a little effort to make sure I can make rehab appointments, keep a clean home, and see to the emotional needs of my children.

In this world, and living a half-life, it is so easy to be sidelined, forgotten, and skipped over. Living a life filled with rehabilitation, recovery, and limited activity, you can easily be missed. It is vital that you remember that you are the hero/heroine of your own story. You take back seat to no one. Being unable to do much does not mean that you are stuck doing nothing.

After two very stress filled weeks of testing and evaluation, I did something about it. I reached outside of myself and was able to participate with HEROIC, in making some kids very happy. HEROIC is a group comprised of individuals who pass both a screening and interview process. They design and maintain their own costumes and must pass a review board prior to using their costumes in reaching out to children and family events. No compensation, no money is ever exchanged. They work to represent their character in-line with branding and marketing. They have a code of not doing anything to demean either the character, or the organization.

HEROIC asks for no financial compensation as each person creates a look, passes a review board, and uses that look to make kids smile. This is all done on their own time. They attend conventions and willingly pose with kids and families. They support local library reading events or other local events to promote community, safety, and family. They respond to community requests for children having surgery, staying in the hospital, and annually help with Toys for Tots drives. You can learn more and enjoy some of what they have done by reaching out. HEROIC Inc.

As part of my review process I attended, for a few short hours, a local kids fair. Seeing the excitement, enjoyment, and hearing the laughs of the kids was a balm to my (shut away) soul. I miss helping kids. I miss so much their pleasure when you notice them. Their spontaneity and smiles while with their families. Even the reactions of some adults on seeing much loved characters brought to life brought a smile to my face. It was a joyful experience,  made better by associating with others who feel the way that I do. It was all about the kids.

I found that even with the stress and anxiety of the unknown that I am dealing with, I can bring joy to others. I can serve. I cannot do much, but I can do something. Have I Done Any Good?

I am the heroine of my own life, just as you are the hero of yours. Don't let anyone tell you differently. If it is hard to imagine yourself as the hero, be a child's hero, as much as you can be.

Nothing feels better than helping someone else smile, just because you can.

God bless and keep you.

Mommy is Broken

I am not on this journey alone. I have an incredible support team, great friends, wonderful extended family. The ones on this journey, spending long amounts of time each day, are my children. Three little ones, two not yet in school. They know I am different. I haven't been able to pick them up, carry them, rough house with them, or drive them places...so much is different.

"No, mom, use your old voice."

                                 "Mom, can you chase me?"

                                                                          "Pick me up, please."

When they walk with me my children have to go slow, I use my cane and for safety slow is best. A fall could severely damage me. They sometimes grow impatient or ask if I can run with them, I can't. I have been able to find afternoon help so that their lives are not limited by me, but I know that as I watch them play, how much I miss being able to play with them. It breaks my heart to know that if they fall asleep on the couch there is no sweet walk to their room in my arms.

Some days are better than others and I find myself able to connect and share with them. I often wonder how many other parents struggle with young children and post surgery trauma. Here are my guidelines.

1. Focus on what is the same. I can still hold and rock my boys, the only difference is that they need to climb into my lap. I have found that with some accommodations, many of the things that we enjoy are possible. I cannot play video games with my kids, the stimulus and activity is too intense. What I can do is sit by them and cheer them on, watching when I can and taking frequent shut-down moments.  I can watch my children play and climb. I can coach them through relaxation activities when upset, even if I can no longer help them solve the problem. Some days, I have found I am Almost Normal.

2. Find good things about what is different. With my children we find that not all the changes are bad. I am more patient. More willing to listen. able to take things at a slow pace, anything else is impossible. So, we enjoy slow walks; we look for spider webs, look at the mountains, feel the sun on our cheeks. I am finding that I like taking small steps and finding the small moments with my children. I find peace in taking time to rock them, to connect fully one-on-one with no other mental energy being spent elsewhere.

3. Find special moments or traditions to build with each child. I have found that by allowing my children to shape and share in choosing activities, mom isn't so good at thinking about things like this, they are more invested in the activity itself. These moments become more personal and they talk about them more than if I had planned a perfect event. Each week we try to spend time one-on-one with each child. This can take some creative planning, but a few minutes each week is completely possible.

4. Do not allow guilt to creep in when you do as much as you can.  This is what every good parent does. We give as much as we can when we have it. You can not pour water from an empty vessel. Accept that you will miss some things. There will be things you cannot do. Accept that this is the reality now. As long as you connect and built relationships of trust and love with your children, they will not lack for the emotional and physical development they need.

I am incredibly blessed in my journey to have loving support help me with the most important things in my life. I am blessed to have neighbors ready to help in case of emergency. I am blessed with rides to the grocery store when I need them. I am blessed. God is good. Work around instead of against your limitations and you will discover moments of pure joy.

God bless and keep you in His care.