Why, God?

It is so easy to ask and not as easy to find an answer. Why? Why her? Why me? Why, God? Why did you allow this to happen to me?

So many conflicting thoughts of fear and helplessness. In the center of all of this came an answer. (One I believe must be written down because in its simple vastness and all encompassing concept, I will not remember it tomorrow.)


God does not cause circumstances.

Wow. He does not create or desire for us, His children, to experience pain and trauma. No parent would. However, as a loving parent He must allow us these experiences. Allow us and the nature of Life to create circumstances that need to be overcome. The struggle then, is what allows us the opportunity to learn and grow closer to Him, Our Father. Let me restate that. God does not make bad or good things happen. What He does is act in line with the laws of Life to allow our experiences to propel us to greater heights of existence.

Why then pray to God? If He did not create our circumstances what can he do? He can, through laws of Justice and Mercy, the laws that govern all force in the universe, act upon our hearts and minds, allowing us to triumph. He can offer ideas, suggestions, promptings, personal revelation, whatever we require to overcome. He can act upon the hearts and minds of those around us to offer aid and support in times of deep struggle. He is a loving parent reaching out in times of trial.

At times these trials and experiences are self-imposed. At other times, they are simply the facts of living as temporal beings. We are subject to the law of Death. We become sick, make mistakes, and sometimes misjudge events. We are mortal and as such we die. We are hurt. We hurt each other. Victims of abuse and trauma did not cause their circumstances but are still subject to these same circumstances. All living in this mortal and temporary existence have trials, experience pain and suffering. This is not the nature of God, but is the nature of Life.


God acts to lift us to overcome circumstance, that through these experiences we are able to draw closer to Him.

God does not intend for this suffering to be the end word. He understands, better than anyone the pain of loss and betrayal. He understands and hears the deep and desperate cries of our hearts. He knows the pain of sin and addiction. Each of these temporal experiences can act to create within us a desire for more. The strength to find Him and never let go. God does not intend for us to struggle alone.

He is there. He is always there. He has encircled us with His angels ready in times of trial to hold us up. None of us needs to got through this journey alone. Jesus Christ, our Savior, has already walked the path alone, that none of us needs to. None of us is alone and we do not need to feel alone, because Jesus has already broken the Law of Justice. Allowing God, in his wisdom to offer strength and support in our time of struggle.

Some days I know little beyond now. Today, after the loss of another brain tumor sufferer, I was struggling. In my heart and mind I prayed. I asked and this was my answer.


"I did not make this challenge for you. You have this challenge as part of your life. The cause does not matter, what you do with it does. What will you do with the challenge you have been given? Where will you turn? How will you allow this to act upon your heart and mind? I am here. You are not alone. Now go, do what needs to be done."


I don't have scripture references or prophetic counsel. I have had one small verse brought to mind in all of this. 2 Timothy 1:7-9

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 
Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; 
Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began."

Through Christ, my experience can serve a purpose in my life and in the lives of those I love.  I can, according to Him, ask for and receive the support I need to meet and match this purpose. He is there on the bad days and the good days. The days I fail and the days that I triumph. He is there to offer healing to self inflicted wounds as much as wounds earned through living a temporal life. God is there. He will take my circumstance, and if I allow it, will work upon my heart to make this a life of miracles.

My prayer for you, let Him in. Let Him hear your cries and I promise He will not leave you comfortless. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that in Him and through Him, my love and family will be Eternal. God bless and keep your heart safe in your trials. He is a loving father who desires you and me to triumph. He loves you. May you feel and know of that deep love.

Tender Mercies

 Everything I am now and everything that I can yet be is built upon the tender mercy that God has shown to me personally.

"Sometimes progress in spiritual things can seem slow or intermittent. Sometimes we may feel that we have lost ground, that we have made mistakes, or that our best efforts to find the Savior are not working. If you feel this way, please do not give up--ever. Go right on believing in Him and in His gospel and His Church. Align your actions with that belief."

 We create through our internal discourse the reality we expect to achieve for ourselves. Faith, hope, belief these things cause us to take daily actions that will add up to create our reality. Step forward in faith and belief. God is good and His promises are sure. Happy Sabbath!

Rediscovering Faith

When you start with nothing, you are able to relearn everything. What an unexpected journey.

I got to start from scratch as regarding my personal faith. "What do I know?" I realize in this journey that I don't have to know everything. I just have to know what I know now, I will get there. For me it goes back to "yet"- I'm not there, yet. Coming out of surgery I could recall very little. Large gaps still exist in my memory. There is a lot going on that I have little control over.

So, what do you do when you have nothing? You start over at the beginning.

I believe in God. I believe that He is my Father and has a plan for my life. My job is to live it to the best of my abilities. God is in charge. This is His church. The people are fallible, but he is not. I can trust that whatever happen today, He is in charge and any concerns will be addressed in the time and place needed. I feel things so strongly, I feel the spirit and know that He directs my interactions with my children. During times of need I am more capable than I really am. I know He is there, helping me through with my children. I know He cares. I know He loves each of His children and cares for their eternal progression. I believe that he is directing my family. I see Him strengthen those around me. I am in awe of all he does.

This is enough for now. It is good. He will take me by the hand through the rest of this.

Humbled

Wow.

You ask and God answers. This past month has been filled with ups and downs as I both face my six month craniversary (a term coined by measuring the time from ones craniotomy) and accept the limitations still present past the physical healing stage. As my speech pathologist says, that is ok, now we know what functional healing still needs to occur. What I have present at this time is what I will be working to slowly heal, and slow is the word of the day.

This has been especially challenging as I have been putting things in perspective over the holiday season. I have been blessed with the most incredible experiences. The first was the offer of a ride home from the store. It was cold but I had forgotten to ask my husband to pick up some basic necessities for the week, things we need and use everyday. Upon leaving the store my son tripped and fell. he was unhurt but looked at me and said "I wish we didn't have to walk." Mere moments later another shopper, Kristin, had pulled her car to the side of the road. We fit the wagon in the back of her SUV and rode the remaining short distance home.
Now, would I normally accept the offer of a ride from a stranger home? No. This felt different and coming so closely on the heels of my sons comment felt much like God saying "Hey, I know. I'm still here. You are not alone. I will never leave you."

Last night it was the spontaneous visit from a friend that touched my heart. It reminded me of all I am blessed with. Sometimes remembering and reviewing how this all took place reminds me how very personal and real is God's presence in our lives. It is easy to feel cut off and disconnected. I know many feel alone and lost. Please, talk to someone. He is there. He is real. Sometimes He is silent, not because he is not speaking, because we are using earplugs.

The last and final moment that touched me, well, I would argue with the sentiment but a letter, penned from a neighbor I have never before met. For the sake of openness I will include the entire content. I accept that this is an opinion, because I feel acutely all my shortcomings, but I wonder how often others really do see us as God intends. We are much harder on ourselves than God would ever be.

"Woman with the cane-
I am a neighbor, almost a stranger but I have come to be familiar with you as you walk to school with your kids each morning. I am learning of your kindness, your unique and loving parenting abilities and most of all your beauty inside that shows with all of your loving expressions. You have a joy for life. You look forward to greeting the day with a smile in the sunshine. You have dedication to your health, to your children and you are teaching them to keep their promises by going to school each day. I have seen you on good days and bad. I have seen you on warm days and cold. I have seen you walk with ease some days and discomfort the next, all while teaching me with your quiet but powerful example that has inspired me to be better. your children follow you because they love you. They smile and look into your supportive caring eyes as they talk about their dreams. You hold their hands and travel in safety on your journey together learning, laughing as you go. The cold never seems to dampen your determination. Your children are loyal to you, they follow you not only as their leader, but also their most trusted friend. Daily you have taken confidence in your direction. I don't know much about your story, but I see your ending. You will always be honored, and cherished for your example. You have let your journey shape you into a beautiful creation, much like all the beautiful creations you go out to see on your walks. You are my most memorable and touching part of the daily routine I pick each day and your life has becomes very important to me. You are leaving a greater footprint in the world than you know. -Love, Kiowa valley Girl"