Beautiful Boys

I have three wonderful sons. Born into our family when we had accepted that this was not in our future. What joy, what stress, what moments they make for me.

Beautiful Boys

How dear you are to me.
Yells and smells and whatever may be.

Hugs and kisses, short and sweet.
Rough and tumble, all hands and feet.

I am blessed each hour, each day, each week.
Grateful for each moment, I never did seek.

Blessings and circumstance, these come and go.
Through our god an eternal family we'll know.

Fingerprints, smudges, all gone too fast.
Our eternal family forever will last.

Almost Normal

Some mornings I wake up and feel so much like myself that the surgery and tumor are all a big dream, then I move.

Oh... yeah...

That did happen.

It wasn't a dream. It's real. I sat and cuddled with my boys today and realized that they don't see me as different. When I hold them, when they are in my arms, I am just mom.


Constant. Unchanging. Their safe space. A refuge from the challenges and scrapes of childhood.

"Mom, I need a Band-Aid."

"Mom, can I have breakfast?"

"Mom, I wet my bed."

This I can do. In this I can be normal. "It's ok. Yes. We'll take care of it." No pressure to do more or be more than I currently am, and I can do this. I can get up in the morning every day and be there. I can do my stretches, complete my PT and OT exercises, and get a Band-Aid or change a bed with my son.

I can be almost normal. Almost me. Despite everything that has happened and my changed abilities, I am still in here. My words get trapped. It takes ages to do things that are simple, if I can even do them anymore. Despite all that, I still exist and at least to my children, its like nothing is different.